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Thursday, October 12, 2017

Keep this World from Dragging Me Down


Well, Good Morning!

It has been a long time since mouse last posted. Finally, some things to write about. Life is good and filled with everything life should be filled with. There's this contentment that mouse feels now each day. To say it's a nice feeling is an understatement. It's incredible.

Recently Master treated mouse to an evening out. We got dressed in our nice clothes and went out without kids and distractions. Master told mouse, while in the car, to keep her eyes on him throughout the evening and if she was good girl she would get a surprise. Over dinner mouse clearly heard the rattle of chains playing musically in her head as he guided mouse to our table. He took her menu and handed it back to the person seating us, "The lady will not require this."

After Master ordered dinner for us, we talked a little about the expectations and pleased he's been with mouse in taking extra care to follow them.  Inside mouse just shined with feelings of joy.

Our food arrived and Master offered permission for mouse to begin eating, during that time the conversation more or less stopped, aside from asking about the food. Master likes to know that mouse  is enjoying the meal, but he wants to know if it's not very good. Actually the meal was wonderful.

It was still early so we walked around a little after the meal, stopping into a book store and then popping into a dessert place to pick up some sweets for the kids on our way home. Inside the bookstore Master looked through some biographies that he would find of interest while mouse more or less milled around but never once took her eyes off him for more than a second.

After, buying the book Master wanted and stopping at the sweet shop, we decided to take a detour through a small park on our way to the garage. After making sure no one was around (it was quite late by that time) Master had mouse kneel on the cool grass in front of him.  He remarked how lovely she looked with just the light of the moon. A picture of submission.  Then he helped mouse up and we walked back to the car.

"Tell me, how did you feel displaying your submission to me in a public setting?" Master asked as he drove out of the parking area and onto the street.

After a moment mouse admitted that she hadn't thought of it as a public display, we were alone, sure it was a public area but there wasn't lots of people around.

"If I asked in the bookstore?"

With a voice just above a whisper, it might have been embarrassing.

"Even if you were just looking at me?" Master asked softly.

This is the new challenge to not worry about what others might be thinking and just let mouse be who she is, regardless of the setting. If kneeling is appropriate, mouse should feel no shame in doing so. Of course, there are few places where kneeling is appropriate, but it's the overall mindset he wishes to alter.

Going along with these thoughts instead of beginning a new post that is unclear that mouse will or not actually post; things have been really good of late. It seems at long last mouse has finally understood what her slavery is about and what it's not about. It's only about Master and His wishes and not what others do or don't as part of their dynamic. Coming to terms with this has led to far more introspective mouse on many topics. It's not that she doesn't have her thoughts but it's more that she doesn't feel the need or desire to share them.

One of her more controversial "expectations" reads as follows: mouse will admit she does not watch the news or keep up with current events. This doesn't mean that she doesn't "hear" about news, because she does but it means that most news stories are filtered through Master. He doesn't offer a slant to it. An example might be the news recently about what occurred in Las Vegas which mouse learned about through Twitter and heard about while running errands. A simple text to Master, which he replied, "there was a shooting from high up in Mandalay Bay hotel on Sunday evening on a music festival that left 58 people dead and injured more than 500. The shooter is dead but not counted."

So from his text reply mouse got the who, what, where, when and how, but no why. When she asked about why, his reply was "It is unknown at this time." When she asked again, a few days later his response was the same.  He doesn't speculate (as mouse has seen others do), but repeats things he knows to be true based on evidence. If a reason for the bloodshed is uncovered he will let mouse know. The other bit of news of that day was just as sad to mouse. Master came home and said, "Tom Petty has died, or is dying. He suffered a heart attack and is on life support. There was some confusion earlier with news outlets reporting his passing prematurely but there is little hope for a recovery."

Music has always been very important to mouse, it's always on in our home, in the car, and it keeps mouse feeling centered when the world is going mad. Tom Petty (and The Heartbreakers) were part of mouse's soundtrack. He never lost his relevant edge, when others were doing their greatest hits tours, Tom Petty was still making fresh music that went along with the time.

For right now, before mouse closes, she would like send some loving thoughts to the people of Northern California (her home state and especially her former hometown). Stay strong, be smart and stay safe. The only thing you can't really replace is yourself. Everything else, while it might take work, can be replaced.

Goodnight friends,
mouse

Saturday, September 2, 2017

I'll Stand Before the God of Song

We had been traveling a lot this summer and seen a lot of amazing things. We ended up at the lake for the eclipse, where it wouldn't be as dramatic as it was elsewhere but still a respectable percent. Coming home, which we absolutely had to do, we didn't consider one thing, traffic. The traffic was just awful as many people were trying to get to where they too needed to be. Our favorite animal friendly motel had a no vacancy sign. Then the AC in the SUV decided to just stop working and it was hot. Master made the decision to pull into a shady rest stop where we could stretch our legs. The kids were miserable, and everyone was just cranky. He napped on a bench for a time, just relaxing for the monster drive he knew was in the future. We again hit the road, by Master's calculations, we might be home by four am, but he was unsure about the traffic. Several accidents slowed us down. The sun was beating down on us and everyone was just pissed. Kids were whining the dog was panting, Master was grouchy and so was mouse. Just as the sun began to thankfully go down mouse turned on the radio, searching at this point for anything.

Leonard Cohen was a writer, songwriter, poet and somewhat of a singer. Honestly, mouse wasn't a huge fan of his music but when a radio station actually came in, mouse wasn't going to fussy about the music played. At worse, it might be background noise.  At first, mouse didn't recognize the song played on that oppressively hot night, then the first words were heard..."Well, i heard there was a secret chord. That David played and it pleased the lord, but you don't really care for music, do you?"

For the next seven minutes or so, the car fell quiet, maybe it was the raspy voice or the tone, or lack of singer quality that kept us hanging on the every word sang? Whatever the reason when the song finished Master turned the volume down. With each passing mile we silently reminded ourselves that it was a mile closer to home. We stopped a few times at a fast food place or rest stop that looked patrolled. At 11pm the temperatures finally dipped below 80 and we felt like rejoicing.

The kids finally fell asleep and mouse struggled to stay awake for Master. If he was going to suffer through this drive from hell, she might as well suffer along with him. Like a sign of solidarity.

The accidents slowed us down and it was long after sunrise before we arrived home. Master said to leave the bags until later and we went into the sweltering hot house. Before we left, we turned the AC off.  Good grief.  At least that started up nicely and after a hour the house was noticeably cooler. We were too tired to move but mouse managed to make some toast and a cup of weak tea for Master, who did need to eat something. Since we drove at night, we missed all our favorite road fruit stands so we had nothing in the house to eat.

After an hour or so, Master went to bed, where he remained for several hours and completely undisturbed. Because the kids had slept mouse felt she should not leave them completely unsupervised so she stayed awake. Eventually she grabbed her set of keys and took the kids to grocery shop (yes, they balked because no one wanted to see a car ever again). At the market mouse struggled to keep her focus. What did we need? Some eggs, wheat bread, coffee, some lunch meat, salad...

Just enough to keep us going for one more day.


Wednesday, June 14, 2017

Sleepless Night


Late one evening recently before mouse had her latest in a long line of revelations, and felt the need, although she hadn't made the connection yet, to be extra pleasing. After removing his shoes, mouse kissed his feet. Now, no one was around at that moment, and it largely went unnoticed even by Master. Still thre was this strong feeling that she needed to atone for something she didn't understand.

Master and mouse went through the rest of the evening in relative silence, which to be honest isn't unusual since we have an exceptionally noisy household. Later, Master called mouse to him and made use of he mouth, and told her she was a good girl. After a bit of rough use, mouse settled, anchored at Master's feet.

There's been a huge shift in mouse's thinking lately, seeing so clearly the flaws in previous lines of thought. Mistakes that cannot be undone.

Another step taken in the journey. 

Monday, June 12, 2017

I Can See All Obstacles in my Way

On Saturday, as some might be aware mouse made a comment of having a quiet day with Master on Twitter. While Omega does have a twitter account, he doesn't really use it. In fact he hadn't posted on it for years. He's just not a social media guy. So, you can imagine mouse's shock when he did reply. Now to be clear, we were both home at the same time, albeit on different floors. Upstairs mouse was working on laundry while he was downstairs watching sports on the television. 

He, at first, repeated that he was having a quiet day with his only slave. 

So mouse had to comment that he mentioned "only" ...Then it happened...

He referred to mouse as "baby girl" which he doesn't do publicly ever. He usually would call mouse his slave or just say mouse. So mouse asked if we were reentering a "Daddy" phase again?  There was a sense of hopefulness in mouse (which she'll explain later). 

He replied that we never left it and that he doesn't care how mouse refers to him, so long as it's said respectfully.

Projections are often very wrong.  Honestly mouse hates the term, "you are projecting." especially when mouse was convinced she wasn't doing it at all. Yet she was and sees it much more clearly. All this time mouse believed that calling him Master came from Him when it really came from herself and that internal need to please him.  No that;s probably not right, she didn't call him Master to please him...but more to formalize our relationship and remind mouse what he is to her first.

When he wrote on Twitter that he never stopped being "daddy" more or less the way mouse took his words; it made her cry. He came upstairs where mouse was doing laundry to find her in tears of relief. It's felt like months of punishment were finally over and he was again "Daddy" but the problem was that it was all mouse. The guilt she felt had finally consumed her and despite feeling so brittle that she might shatter, she realized that she was punishing herself.  Maybe Omega's odd gesture allowed her to forgive herself.

He held her and rocked her in his arms and remarked at how proud he is of her. He had no idea that mouse was in such turmoil and he didn't want that. Yes he wanted her to realize that she was wrong, but not to that extent that it would eat her up or feel internally punished forever. Daddy held his mouse, and let her cry until no more tears came.

What is truly odd, until that moment when he expressed that he hadn't any clue that mouse felt like that, she realized that neither had she. All that inner turmoil that she felt she needed to make something right that had gone wrong, was only coming from her own skewed projection. It's like she was wearing a backpack but never realized until she took it off how incredibly heavy it was. 

Saturday, May 27, 2017

Life

Only time for a quickie, but hopefully soonish a proper update will happen.

After his morning oral service Master gave a contented sigh...mouse had been extra pleasing that morning to him. He mused briefly and said, "Good morning slave."

Still swallowing mouse smiled up at him. 

"I am feeling extra sadistic this morning, maybe I will take the day and torture you." 

"Your daughter threw up this morning."

"Of course she did. Well, I'd better shower and head to work." 

Giggling mouse jumped from the bed and fetched his towel. 

"Does she have a fever? Any discomfort?" He asked of our daughter. 

"No, fever, a bit tired, but not happy about missing school and dance after school today. The teacher sent a note home that she seemed off yesterday that there's a stomach bug going around." Then after a pause mouse asked, "What did you have planned?" 

"All sorts of nasty things." 

*Whimpers*

Over breakfast Master continued giving mouse luring looks -- He needed to know mouse would be suffering.  Pretending to look for something in. his study, he called for mouse.  

"Unbutton that blouse and show me." 

Quickly mouse unbuttoned and lifted her arms, lacing her fingers behind her neck. Master moved the fabric aside and tugged the nipple rings. He made mouse whimper as he kneaded the tissue. His free hand moved down to that area between her legs and touched her clit. He rubbed it toying with her, getting her ramped up, and she knew he'd stop but hoped she was wrong. 

He paused for a moment and kissed mouse, he said he deeply sorry for what he was about to do then he quickly edged mouse to orgasm and as predicted left her hanging. And not soon after that she began to feel the burning sensation. 


Wednesday, May 17, 2017

Just Like Bees


We have been busy with the daily coming and goings of a busy family. There hasn't been much time for writing or blogging but mouse has been keeping a private journal where she's been dutifully keeping her thoughts. Master felt it was appropriate to punish mouse twice for infractions against his wishes. He won't tolerate disobedience from mouse and why should he? Almost counterintuitively, mouse finds herself far more settled and at ease in her skin. 

We have also had fun, kinky fun and some truly laughing fun, we joined Lucy and Schroeder one evening and Lucy brought out Cards Against Humanity and while both of us have heard of the game, we had never played it. It was terrible raunchy fun. It felt as though we hadn't laughed in ages and felt wonderful to let go of all our mental baggage. Especially for Master who mouse swears, carries the weight of the world on his shoulders at times and wishes to become of better use to him. 

Lucy, who still has her Facebook, sent mouse a link to something she found interesting, about a woman who let her husband pick out her clothing for a week. Now, Lucy is well aware that mouse's clothing options are totally decided by Master so she thought mouse would find the article interesting. It didn't disappoint, because men do have a different way of looking at things. Many times Master has chosen two outfits for mouse, one extremely casual because he knows that she'll be running errands and cleaning house, but a second selection for the evening that's just for him, which is usually a bit more sexy. He prefers that mouse remain barefooted in the house, which isn't a problem unless it's cold, then he doesn't mind if mouse wears a foot covering of some sort.  It's a pity the woman in the article didn't continue the practice after the week was up, but it seems she learned something about herself and her husband so it's all good in the end.

Last night, Master wanted a cup of tea so mouse heated the water and put together the nice tea service that was inherited from his family. Carefully mouse carried the tray into his study and knelt beside the chaise lounge to fix his perfect cup of tea for him. He remarked later he found it deeply sexy the way mouse did it. It gave mouse that jolt of happiness knowing that she'd pleased him and he enjoyed the perfect cup of tea.

It's a million little things that will propel mouse to please him, whether it's a sexy dress he wishes mouse to wear, or shoes he prefers she didn't wear, or making a special meal that she just knows that he will enjoy. The happier she is in her slavery to him, the happier and more settled everyone is around us. That is the part most telling, daily interactions are much more pleasing. Smiles, immediately put others at ease and they're not fake, but genuine, which could be why they work.

Later last night Master helped mouse undress, well, he undressed her slowly and kissed her neck, which always sends shivers to her sex, and then bent her over to take her in the rear. After he slipped the large plug into her to hold in his seed. In bed, when he gave permission for mouse to enter it, we snuggled between the sheets. His body using mouse's as almost one might use a body pillow, how that used to annoy her, but now she's grown used to feeling his weight on her. It's comforting. His scent fills her and she feels useful, even as he sleeps. 

Monday, May 1, 2017

One of Those Things


"Mouse, come here and bring your laptop," Master called from his study. 

There was a marked hesitation from mouse, who was at that moment sending a text message to Lucy, "Oh dear" mouse wrote to her friend, "He wants to see the laptop...Gulp." Master is quite meticulous about his things, as mouse is well aware of. Last year, he gave mouse his older laptop that he used for work, after upgrading to newer one. He cleaned and gave it to mouse with it looking like brand new, with the expectation that it would stay that way.  

Naturally when the screen becomes  dirty mouse will clean it and has a couple times since he's given it to her. It's just not something that she does very often, so this surprise inspection had mouse quaking. The screen was a mess. He opened it up, looked at the screen, shut it down. He got a soft towel and small dish of water, and instructed mouse again on how to properly clean it. He remarked several times that it's not a touch screen, why would there be fingerprints?  

To that mouse had no answer. It wasn't so filthy that it took forever to clean, but still it was embarrassing that she was careless with something Master had entrusted to her care. At the heart that is what he did. 

"Strip, position number one" 

With her head lowered, mouse undressed slowly, stepping out of her skirt, unbuttoning her blouse, until all she was left was the corset, which he unfastened and removed. Raising her arms and clasped behind her neck, she adjusted her stance the way Master expects.  Legs apart, somewhat even with the shoulders. It's a vulnerable position to be in, without anything to hide yourself. 

His fingers grabbed the nipple rings and guided her to the computer and asked if this is how she cares for gifts? 

"No Master." 

He again closed the laptop. He added weight to the nipple rings, then had mouse bend forward, the weights jostled and tugged in that rip the flesh feeling mouse hates,  he then pushed her feet further apart. Soon she felt the riding crop against her backside, and then against the area between her legs, which really caught her attention. Tears fell, her nose ran, and it was all she could to do not to scream.  

Then he stopped, handed her a handkerchief, and used the remaining water in the dish, to wash her face. 

"Now slave, bring me your purse." 

"You might as well just beat mouse now and get it over with -- it'll save us some steps." 

He smirked, and gave mouse 10 minutes to tidy it up, which turned out to be just enough time.